Wednesday, November 30, 2016

My house is kind of a mess

I would like everyone to know, my house has been a reasonable level of clean for almost 2 weeks!!

Look, normally, my house is kind of a mess. I have no excuses, not really. I do not have children, I don't even have a dog. I am a happy kitty mom to Penny and Ms Meow, but they are rather small and Ms Meow lives in a kitty penthouse outside (Ms Meow Post). So really I only have Penny and my Hunny to clean up after besides myself. I would not consider my house dirty, I vacuum, I clean the bathroom, I dust, I do laundry and dishes are done, cat litter boxes don't go to long, trash is thrown away, my house is just a cluttered mess. My problem is picking up stuff. Laundry tends to take 3 or 4 days of sitting in a basket in the living room before its folded, the bedroom is in a constant state of "tornado just went through here", kitchen seems to always have a half empty liquor bottle on the counter and a left over cup from last night (I don't even drink), that sort of thing. When Hunny works a lot one of the first things I do either when he works a long day or an extra day, is clean clean clean. Then I can keep up with the mess of just myself and the few hours he is home and awake. Then I blame him entirely for the regular mess we have :)
My favorite attempt at becoming a clean person was the 20 minute rule. Every day I set my timer for 20 minutes and I clean everything I can in those 20 minutes. The on a day off I do that 3 or 4 times through out the day. That seriously worked for a while. Then I didn't do it one day, then one day became 2 days and 2 days became 3 days then I found a really good book and that just killed the whole thing cause I just had to finish this book before I cleaned, then I never got back on the horse.
I guess my excuse is that my goals in life are to be good person, not a neat and tidy person. Sure, mine and Hunny's clothes get to the veeeerrry bottom before I wash them (I will say we wear almost all our clothes and don't just rotate through the same clothes all the time because of this), and I flat out refuse to do dishes (that's his chore) unless he works more then 60 hours in a week. Cleaning just isn't my thing. I keep telling myself when we have kids I will have to get better, but if we are realistic here, just cause I will have kids, it's not going to change my cluttered self. When I was in the group home as a teen, they actually gave up on my room not being a FEMA disaster scene at all times and just said as long as I make progress on my mental health goals, they wont keep me locked up just for being a mess. At one time, I lived with a clean freak and she helped me to be WAY better, but even she just stopped going in my basement room after a while cause it gave her heart palpitations.
The Hunny
I try, I really do, and when Hunny is working a lot and its just me and Penny, it gets way better. But once he is home, I don't want to spend those moments with him cleaning, I want to cuddle and relax together, and cleaning is not our happy zone.
But, these last 2 weeks between having people over for thanksgiving and I have been miraculously driven to pick up after ourselves, its been pretty good. Yes I have hidden the 2 baskets of clean laundry that needs folding in the back corner of the house and I have been taking the Amazon boxes and hiding them away and not even opening them, BUT lets not get picky here. You can see the floor in my bedroom and my living room and kitchen are a level of neat and tidy that other humans would say "oh my house its way worse" even if they don't entirely mean it.

Wednesday, November 23, 2016


In honor of Thanksgiving tomorrow here is my Thanksgiving post. Appreciation is a synonym for thankful, which is what this holiday is about. 

Try this: every day whenever your head is empty and your thinking of random stuff, try and think of all the good things in your life. I don't mean big broad things that you don't really relate to but you say because they sound good, I mean the little things that happen every so often and make you smile. Like "my husband changed my oil today and rotated my tires" or "my kids drew me a picture today and they remembered my favorite color was red". Those tiny little things that recognize someone else or something else happened that means you are important, you are special and good things happen to you.
How often do you go all day feeling crappy like your not even sure why you bothered with getting dressed this cute today? Then you get home and your house is a mess and your just like, "forget it, I am going to bed at 6:00 cause nothing I do matters anyway". Spending time burrowing into your brain and memories and seeing these small things makes you appreciate your life more. It makes those sad days farther between (I haven't figured out how to figure out how to kill those days entirely yet, but I'm working on it I promise). It reminds you of why you love your significant other, it helps you see your family does appreciate your hard work, and in the worst cases, it forces you to see when someone doesn't appreciate you and the relationship is no good.
So many of our partners and loved ones don't give huge grand gestures of love and loyalty every day and even if our logical mind says of course they can't and that would be silly, we still want to feel appreciated. But if you take some of those random mindless times and try and find those moments, when someone does something for you that prove they think of you, that prove they know you and heard what you said, you have less and less moments of aggravation and annoyance and feeling like no one even notices you. and more appreciation for the world around you and the wonderful life you lead. Remember, nobody owes you anything in this world and you are only one responsible for you, anyone doing something to make your life better or easier or remembers something small about you is a gift that they are giving you out of love.

Here is 5 things I appreciate:
  1. My husband sends me good morning text when he gets to work cause he knows I needlessly worry every morning and sends me texts all day long. Sometimes they are just things he thinks I would find funny on the internet, sometimes its just good morning and asking how my day is. My husband thinks of me all day long.
  2. My Best adult friend and I talk in the morning before she goes to work sometimes. Sometimes we can't, but when we can, its great. We don't see each other often enough cause she is a wife and a mother, but we still keep up with each others lives even though we are 2 counties apart.
  3. My mom doesn't ask me all the time if I am pregnant yet or push books and "how to get pregnant" stuff on me. She knows its a hard spot for me, and I know she really wants to, but she tries to not bring it up. 
  4. My mother-in-law calls me just to talk and I like talking to her. How many people can say that they have such a great mother-in-law?!
  5. Three daisies grew in the flower pot around my mailbox. I couldn't get anything to grow there till now and even though I love daisies, I have trouble growing them anywhere. But three grew and bloomed and they look beautiful. 
    There is a guy who appreciates the little things.
    BTW Bob Ross is on Netflix in case you didn't know!

Friday, November 18, 2016

Desktop Fairy Gardens

So my girlfriend and I made these desktop fairy gardens last weekend and I finally remembered to bring it to work to put on my desk. Can you even handle the cuteness!!
The whole thing probably cost me about $40 and $20 of that was the bowl, so you really could buy a cheaper bowl or if you have one at home already even better. But here are the basic tools I used. Sorry I didn't take pictures as we were making them, I got over excited and forgot. 
  • Moss from Dollar General
  • Butterflies from Dollar General
  • Foam bottom filler from Dollar General (you can't see it here but its what everything is actually sitting on)
  • Real Succulents from Shop Rite
  • Fish castle and Fish rocks from Walmart
  • Bowl from Walmart
  • Mushrooms we made from Play-Doh and toothpicks. 
  • Twine I got at one of those Target Clarence section deals and added to the bowl with some hot glue

Front View
Back View
Up close view

On my desk! 
My Friend's, Freaking adorable! 

Her's is with a 6 cup measuring cup


Thursday, November 17, 2016

My Anti-Bucket List

So most people have a bucket list of things they want to do. I can't say I actually do, but I imagine that there are people that do since they made a movie with Morgan Freeman about the concept. Rather then a bucket list, here is my Anti-bucket list. This is all the stuff I really do not want to do before I die.
  1. Jump out of a plane/bungee jump/anything involving going from a very high place to the ground at terminal velocity. Please excuse my language here, but Fuck that shit. I like my feet on the ground and the good lord did NOT give me the ability to fly. I extremely dislike that feeling you get when your stomach lodges in your throat because you were foolish enough to think a machine or a pile of fabric will save your crazy ass from hitting the ground at a speed that will make your guts see the sunlight. 
  2. Get a black eye from a bar fight. Interesting fact about me, I have never been in a a bar fight. I have been in a few shoving matches at concerts but I have never been in a real bar fight. I am a mouthy little bitch sometimes and when I was in my early 20's I did spend a large portion of my weekend nights drinking at bars, but I didn't really attract the kind of folks that fight. Also I am a wuss that hides behind bigger meaner people then me when shit goes down. 
  3. Eat or do something horrible and post it on YouTube. Listen, I appreciate the folks that do because it cracks me up, but I have no idea what happens in peoples brain that makes them even THINK of this stuff, like these guys that make a cake with muscle simulators or the LA beast (that video link is the most cringe worthy thing I have ever seen in my life). I guess my head just doesn't work that way. Good.
  4. Pretty much anything my husband does at work. This video is a very cool video that shows a bunch of things he does. It makes the whole thing seem way more rock-star then it actually is, although I never met a boilermaker who didn't think he was on the same level of awesome as a rock star. Climbing high things, cleaning and grinding and scraping difficult things in awful places, working in very hot and very cold weather, doing exactly what your boss says even if its stupid, working with and depending on people who think setting their shoes on fire is a safe way to dry your shoes off, tight spaces, high spaces, unsafe spaces, long hours, crazy hours, no freaking way. 
  5. Do karaoke in front of people I don't know. Hell, doing karaoke in front of people I DO know would be bad, but I may someday be out of my mind enough to do it. But singing in front of a group of people I don't know seems like something the devil would do to torment my damned soul in hell. I am a terrible singer, like really not good; and showing off my nasally, off key, tone deaf singing voice with my superhuman ability to always be off time is something I never want to do. 
So there it is. I am sure there are a few more. Anyone else got a couple they want to share??  

Also something I never want to do.

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

The moment you go from doing

One of the things I do a lot at work is projects. I bring my boss's or mine ideas to reality. Its probably one my favorite things to do, but it also stresses me out like a over pulled rubber band. There are a billion small and big projects in Real Life too. Here is the steps I follow when I am in charge of a project no matter if its work, or Real Life:
  1. Project idea presented and practicality and all that junk is hashed out
  2. Katy presents all the things that can/will go wrong, project presenter ignores them and says do it anyway but with none of that bad stuff. Katy has minor mental breakdown in her office and then accepts her lot in life and moves on.
  3. First draft lists are created. Steps to complete, issues to iron out, people to talk to. General timeline is created. either in writing or in my head.
  4. Call the first set of people that need to be called for quotes/scheduling/whatever needs to happen.
  5. Learn all the stuff I need to learn by interviewing people who know or researching online.
  6. Walk away from project cause its making my eye twitch. Don't come back for at least a week. My excuse is usually that I am waiting for something but this is the step that makes me not lose my mind. I have tried skipping this but then I just turn into a ball of anxiety that hates everything and I can't pull myself far enough away mentally to see the end result and get excited about accomplishing it. 
  7. Week or so passes and I return to my lists, maybe make another draft or edit the first one and I start following up with people who I feel are ignoring me and are out to ruin my life and start figuring out how to start crossing stuff off. Then people start getting back to me and I have to decide things.
  8. OK this is the part that gets freaking scary.
  9. Stuff starts happening Anyone who has ever started a project of any magnitude whether it be in Real Life or at work knows this is the part that keeps you up at night.Those tasks and lists you have start are coming to life, the gears start spinning, things start changing that will eventually end in your goal being completed. Its like, holy cow, you are a now a person who is making stuff happen!
  10. The dominoes start falling, all the items on the lists start getting checked off, you start getting that euphoria that makes you believe this could actually work and you may not have any issues at all. This is great!
  11. The final piece falls in place, go live day is here, this is the end....all your hard work is now visible to the world!
  12. Then something goes wrong. Maybe its a big thing, maybe its something you had no control over or its something you overlooked (at this point you may need to see previous blog post "Trying to hard"). Or maybe its a teeny tiny thing and everyone knows you couldn't have predicted this no matter what. No matter how big or small and who's fault it is, only experience will make you realize this always happens and is part of the project and you are not the biggest idiot in the world and a total failure. 
  13. You fix the issue, you realize some stuff cannot really be fixed and just has to play out. Your done. Maybe a few follow up items happen but unless you are an active part of this project, your basically done and its time to wash your hands of this whole thing and walk away. Pat yourself on the back, you did it lady. 
These are the steps for every project in my life with some minor variations. This is how I purchased my first home, this is how I planned my wedding, and this is also how I became the director of quality assurance at work and how I reformatted an entire network. This is years of anxiety, stress, foreshadowing, crying in the middle of the night, and this is how a mental patient teenager became a successful adult. Every single time, step 9 gets me. Its that moment you step off the bridge and jump. I am nobody's adrenaline junky guys, I don't feel a rush when I drive 110 mph, I just try to take a deep breath and look for the end and try to get excited for it. 

Friday, November 11, 2016

Lessons I have learned from my cat - Ms Meow's story,

If your not learning from the world around you, your not truly living. I'm not just talking about the amazing advice I give you here or the advice you get from other blogs or other humans who are older and wiser. I'm talking about learning from your pets, from the kiddos that have an untarnished world view, and even from the people who you can't stand. Here is something I learned from Ms Meow the other day:
No matter how badass you seem, we are all afraid of something.
This was a photo of Ms Meow during a thunderstorm. I found her hiding under my quad obviously afraid. As soon as I came into her little living space she came out and was attached to my hip until I had to leave. We cuddled and I sang to her until the worst of it was over.
Let me tell you Ms Meow's story real quick so you can get an idea how badass she really is and why her fear of thunderstorms was so amazing to me.

Ms Meow lived in a warehouse at an office I used to work at. Cars, trucks, cleaning chemicals, old grease and oil and sewage, all these things and more were stored in this warehouse. She was brought in about 10-15 years ago as a kitten to be the mouser. The owner had found her mama having a litter outside his house in the woods and decided she had good genes for that sort of thing. She was very good at her job for a lot of years. I believe they called her Tiger back then cause she was really a beast with the mice. The one great thing about her living there was that the office ran almost 24/7, so she had people around always day and night. This did not always mean all those people were nice to her, but there was usually a handful that fed her and made sure she was somewhat safe. The bad thing was she was very low to the ground and there was grease and chemicals everywhere on her level. And even the few people who took care of her in the office still had jobs to do and couldn't take proper care of a kitty cat. I started at that office in 2012. I became the one taking primary care of her at the office around 2013. When I met her she was so covered in...something....she didn't get pet often because the residue would come off on peoples hands, she got the name "gross cat" after a while. Everyone stopped 
October 2014
calling her Tiger and her name was lost to time and she was just "kitty" or "that nasty cat". Some folks had started to brush her out of pity, but I suspect that made it worse because she lost most of her hair a few times, I threw away the brush. They tried to give her a litter box, but no one cleaned it, so she would use it a few times then it got to nasty so she used the warehouse as her litter box and people hated her cause they would step in it all the time. She never had a solid poop that I saw and when I saw her try to go to the bathroom it looks painful. The nice overnight boys would feed her everything they ate and some would cuddle her even though she wasn't the cleanest or prettiest thing. I had to post a sign at one point about the dangers of some food products and cats because they fed her chocolate muffins. I was informed shortly after that, her favorite food was cheese doodles. She was very careful and always on guard for moving things high above her, but always seemed fearless in a way that you couldn't help admire. She slept anywhere she wanted and always seemed to own any space she stood in. She would yell at anyone who upset her, and would corner and hold anyone she decided was worthy of her time no matter if they wanted to or not. I was called on more then one occasion to come get her because she was terrorizing someone and obviously wanted something. To me she was everything that embodied a queen of her realm and I loved her for it. I heard stories over the years of when she got in a truck and went to a job with the overnight guys and stories of the insane amount of things folks had watched her kill. She brought me dead critters any time I went away for a few days, it always seemed she was like "here, you weren't here to feed me so I got it covered".
Then in June 2015, I think she was around 13 then but no one knows for sure, the bosses got tired of her. She was no longer "useful" to them. The company was growing, she was using the warehouse as a litter box, she was clearly sick, and they told me as I was about to leave on a vacation they would be putting her to sleep while I was gone. I calmly told them I hoped that someday when they were old, sick, and no longer considered useful someone put them to sleep. I called my Hunny, and explained the situation. He asked me to look for other outlets, because my indoor kitty Penny has FIV and we can not have another indoor cat or they may catch it. But if I couldn't find anything we would figure it out. I found some places that take in "retired" cats like her but they were very expensive and required the cat to get along with other cats, which Ms Meow did not. I couldn't leave her in a shelter, my heart wouldn't allow such a thing, and no one else at the office wanted her. So I went home to my wonderful Hunny and we figured out how we would bring her home. We had a large shed in the back yard we decided she could live and he put in a window unit air conditioner right away and a cat door and she came home with me the day before I went on vacation. Fortunately this was going to be a "stay-cation" for me, so I would be home to spend time helping her adjust. 
The day she came home was the a very long car ride. Ms Meow is very vocal when she is displeased and she was extremely displeased at being uprooted from her home, stuck in a cage, and tossed into a car. I had spent the days leading up to it doing everything I could to try and tell her what was about to happen. I talked her about it, heck I even tried sending thoughts through freaking telepathy (that's a thing, seriously, read this: Cat telepathy). I knew a big change like this could cause her stress and even kill her, but I told her it was all going to be okay and I promised I would keep her safe. For 2 days I kept her locked in the shed with the AC. I visited her at regular intervals and I gave her lots of love and treats. The third day I had to let her out in the afternoon after much cuddling, I knew I had to, she was never shut in like this before so this was near torture, but I was so nervous. She immediately went out and was gone without a trace. I waited for hours, I called for her, I lurked in peoples back yards, and I cried. I felt like I had let her down already, I had promised to keep her safe and she was already gone. Then at around 9 pm she came strolling up to me like it was no big thing! She meowed and talked like she was telling me about her day and I just scooped her up and hugged her and listened and talked back like we were best friends! After that day we started a new routine of a daily wipe down with kitty cleaning cloths and very healthy cat food and regular visits to the shed. After about 3 months we saw her clean herself for the very first time, it was a freaking miracle, I posted about it on social media and called my parents I was so excited! She started to have normal poop, used the litter box like normal, grew all her hair back plus more, and she came home every night to say good night to me. 
It has been a year and a half since she came home. She is living a dream retirement I like to think. Her shed is now a kitty penthouse, including a heater for winter time, insulated walls (better insulated then my damn house to be honest with you), a safe cat door that only allows her to come in and out, and several soft beds for her to lay in. She enjoys summertime backyard yoga with me and has several favorite spots throughout the yard. She doesn't go very far any more, and she has days you can tell her age and all that she has been though. My friends all love her and she gets pet by everyone and told she is beautiful all the time. She loves when people sing to her and I have dedicated Nirvana - Where did you sleep last night to her. She drools more then I have ever seen any cat drool and "makes biscuits" a little more rough then is comfortable, but we work through that by only letting her sit in my lap when I have a very thick towel. 
I have learned so much from her and she teaches me more all the time. 
  • Practical Fearlessness in the face of danger and the unknown while keeping your head about your own realistic weaknesses. 
  • Humble pride when you still want someone to hold you when your afraid, but still stay proud of everything you have been through. 
  • Forgiveness and beauty in the face of ugliness when others throw you away, but you come back strong with no anger or hate and only kindness and love. 
  • Patience, knowing you  don't need to be the youngest, strongest or fastest to catch the chipmunk. 

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Adult Friendships

What a nightmare it is, traversing the landscape that is adulthood. You spend 7+ hours a day at work or in some way spending time with people you don't really like, smiling that face of falseness that your paycheck or something else forces you too make. Then you get home and in your free time you try to put yourself in a happy little bubble with only people you like but then your happy little bubble changes as you grow up. People your friends with change or move away or you grow apart or something equally as depressing. Making new friends becomes something you require social skills for, and you forgot to develop those when you were busy smoking weed and playing video games with your high school buddies. That's okay, you think to yourself, I somehow made a couple friends along the way here that are still around. Then they start to grow up and change and have relationships with other humans, then you start to grow up and change and have relationships (hopefully). Now your put into situations with other people. Your spouse's friends, your spouse's friends spouse, that new loud buddy your other friend made, your co-workers who insist you go with them to grab a beer after work. Oh god, other people. Now we have to talk to those people and try and relate to those people. What if they have different political views then me and I think that they are uninformed idiots? Or what if they smell funny but they seem really nice? Or what if they are just reeeealy unlikable?
As an adult you have to look at relationships with a little more depth then we used to and you have to look at your own self with more depth too. It may mean that you have to let go of a friendship that at one time were extremely important to you and you need to be okay with losing that friendship and not hang on to it just because its comfortable. It also may mean making a friendship with people who you don't necessarily love every aspect about them. A good friend isn't always the person you trust with your weird secrets, but may instead be a person who you just enjoy a specific hobby with or maybe just has a similar schedule then you. A good friend may actually be a few people who each hold one part of you. 
You can't always avoid someone that you don't really like either. Sometimes you have to smile and just deal and make the best of a situation that you wouldn't normally put yourself in. I struggle with my own principals when I am put in situations like this. I want to be an honest person, I never want to be considered "fake" to others or feel like I am just acting like I do at wok. When I am in a setting where I have to smile and deal and its not work, I really feel like a big faker. But spending time with someone you didn't think you liked is not necessarily being fake, its understanding that just because your ego decided something about another person, sometimes you need to put on your big girl bloomers and realize that its just your ego talking and grow up and look past that. Being genuine and honest and not fake, also means you have to be kind and empathetic at times.

Monday, November 7, 2016

On Fashion

Once many moons ago, I was an angry goth kid. Immediately following that I went to a school that required a uniform of a navy collared shirt and khaki pants (::shivers:: it look me a long time to wear khaki again), once I was required a uniform I began my "screw fashion" phase and wore cheap shapeless clothing that made me look as young as I was. I would like to tell you that phase didn't last long, but that would be a lie, that lasted till I was around 25. Periodically I would buy something that fit, but really, it was just a long line of bland, shapeless, unmatching things that said nothing about my personal fashion or my personality other then "look how much I don't care about myself, isn't it ironic". What the heck was I thinking?!
My personal fashion has grown and changed a lot over the years, as everyone's does. Mostly because of my job, but also because one of the really great things about getting older is that you start to get more comfortable with who you are as a person and you can express it more comfortably and feel less self conscious about it. Don't get me wrong, I am not out to be Mz Fashion Icon here. I believe in spending a little money on the fashion staples and getting everything else as cheap as possible. I am no good with name brands, I just like stuff I think is pretty and looks good on me. Fashion is more then just wearing what is required of you, its a way to express all of the colors and thoughts you want the world to see in you in a tiny instant. Its being able to walk into a meeting room filled with men who think your just a dippy IT girl and demanding respect and attention before you even open your mouth. Fashion is comfort on a bad day and an explosion of joy on a good day. So here is a a couple things I wear and how they make me feel.
 I recently got this leather jacket after losing my favorite leather jacket in the mall in a moment of carelessness. This outfit makes me feel skinny and pretty. Boots i have had forever.
After photo shoot with my friend yesterday in an attempt to get a decent picture of me for this blog. I love this outfit, it makes me feel fashionable and adorable and expresses who I feel like I am. Skirt from Primark  Boots from Boscovs The sweater was a gift from a friend.

 Kohl's jacket, Old Navy Skirt. I felt like a badass lady in this. Like I was on point and gonna teach some bitches how to use a computer and they were gonna like it! 

  Kohl's jacket, Old Navy Skirt again. Crazy how you can dress almost the same outfit different way right!? 

 Another Kohl's jacket, this picture doesn't do it justice though, its all polka dot and puffy adorable sleeves! This is from me old job when I was able to wear jeans. Love the Jeans and a jacket combo. Looks so "casual business lady" to me. 

 Modcloth Love. Can't even being to tell you how much I love them! The Shoes and Shirt are both from there. Felt so skinny and pretty and cool in this. I think i wore this outfit with different shoes that day, But who doesn't love those shoes!! 

My wedding Dress! If we are gonna talk about my fav fashion, I gotta put my wedding dress out there! I felt so pretty and perfectly ME in that dress. Recognize the shoes!?

Friday, November 4, 2016

Trying to hard

Have you ever tried to do something so hard that eventually you fail at it, just because you tried so hard? Why do we do that to ourselves? I do it all the time. Take this blog for instance. This is my first entry. Not really though, this is actually my 3rd entry, I deleted the first 2 because I hated them. Cause I tried so hard and I wanted to "make my blog about something" but it all came out forced and I sounded like a douchebag. I hate sounding like a douchebag (thank you spell check for fixing my spelling of douchebag, wouldn't want the grammar nazi's correcting that would we).
What are you supposed to do when you try so hard and fail. The obvious answer being "don't try so hard", well that isn't an option. If I could do that I wouldn't have tried so hard in the first damn place. I feel like lately that's been the reoccurring theme of my life. I try too hard at something > I fail > someone I love gives me the amazing advice to not try so hard > blah blah blah. Obviously this doesn't happen every time, we all succeed sometimes when we try, right? Look at the World Series that just happened, that happy little baseball team tried as hard as any team can try, and look, they finally won! But I firmly believe they would understand what I am saying here because they have likely been trying very hard since 1908 and failing. I bet they are very jealous of the Yankees or whatever other teams win a lot in baseball (sorry guys, my dad is a Yankees fan and that's the only team I know that wins a lot). I am very jealous of those people that try and success at a ratio that seems much higher then mine. Then they have some amazingly inspiring story or trial and tribulation that just makes me feel worse about myself cause they are obviously a much better person that I am for going through all that and not becoming the sad lay-about who bitches about failing all the time that I am.
So whats the answer? We don't ask gym coaches and extremely inspirational people to help answer that because they just give us a really great inspirational speech that make us secretly hate them a little (we just like to read the one-sentence quotes they say about trying harder and digging deeper). Now I am the kind of gal that when I see a problem, I like to fix it. Its like a daemon inside me that must fix things. But you know what I hate? That often there isn't an answer that just fixes things, or the answer isn't reasonable, acceptable, or its something I have tried that just doesn't seem to work. You fat? Diet and exercise is the answer! You fail every time you try to hard? Don't try so hard! Your finger hurt every time you bend it? Don't bend it! These are not answers that the fix-it daemon inside me find acceptable. So what now? How do we move on and continue this dog-gone life continuing to try and try and continuing to be that guy or gal that fails and fails. Well I guess we take a lesson from that little baseball team (the Chicago Cubs by the way) who kept trying for 108 years and finally succeeded. How many guys in that time started and ended their career on that team but never saw success, how many fans lived and died without ever seeing their favorite team get to the world series, hell if you check Wikipedia the did't do much winning at all for 71 years but they kept freaking trying. "But they get paid" you tell me? Well, if your trying at something your obviously trying for a reason, so whatever that reason is, that is your "getting paid".
So I guess I will stop trying, or keep trying, or what-the-heck-ever, maybe eventually I will be that inspirational jerk you can secretly hate a little but you can read and post my awesome quotes. Here is one for you:
If your figure hurts when you bend it, stop bending it for now and try again later.