Friday, December 23, 2016

Christmas Post - My yard the murder scene of Christmas Inflatables

Does anyone else give stories to inanimate objects besides me? Here is my Christmas Post, a story about the murder of Frosty and Penguin in my front lawn.
Every Christmas I decorate my house inside and out. I try to keep the blow ups to a minimum, I feel like too many blow ups take away from the lights. But I do have a couple because I have a big front yard and they take up some of the space. Apparently my secret to decorating is to fill all available space with Christmas related items.
Well, I have/had these 3 blow up guys that usually all stand next to each other, we call them the drunks. A penguin with a little Santa hat, a Frosty the snowman with a Christmas hat, and a Darth Vader. They were always falling down and we would find then face first in on the ground or laying on their backs like....well, like a drunk after to many late night whiskeys, hence the nickname for them. These guys would always be all fell over, or leaning against each other and I would tell them they had to lay off the booze and get job. This year, they were equally as off balance, apparently months in the attic didn't lead to any sort of recovery for them. But I noticed that this year Frosty kept trying to run away. I would find this guy far away from the spot he was supposed to be tied down to, sometimes still standing, sometimes laying face first on the ground, looking for all the world like he was being beaten and chased by Darth Vader. The Penguin this year, spent less time face first in the ground and much more time leaning against Vader looking like he was holding the guy back from some awful evil deed. Every day Hunny and I would put everyone back where they belong and Hunny would bitch about having to clean up after these damn drunks every day. But, each day, we would continue to find Frosty trying to make a break for it and the Penguin holding Vader back from evil deeds. Oddly enough, Vader, other then a handful of drunk nights having to pick him up, spent a signification amount of time this year standing up holding his light saber and looking all Christmas-y yet intimidating.
Well shit musta hit the fan the other night cause it turned into a murder scene...
Frosty and the Penguin didn't make it, they flat lined and I couldn't revive them. Their little fans are running and I cant find any holes, but they are in fact, flat as roadkill. Maybe blow up light sabers do not scorch leave marks. Darth Vader wins. Frosty died first, I found him first when I got home from work, the Penguin was next, I found him the next morning. I am not sure what the hell happened, maybe Vader just couldn't take Frosty's shit anymore. Maybe Frosty finally did something that the Penguin didn't want to hold Vader back any more. Maybe Frosty was a an asshole and talked a lot of crap. Maybe once Darth Vader got a taste of murder he went wild and then took out Penguin too. Maybe I am assuming gender or sexual preference too much and there was a love triangle and Vader was the scorned lover. Maybe the Penguin was Frosty's best friend's cousin and Vader was an evil abusive jerk. Maybe Frosty wasn't a drunk but an abused spouse and Vader finally went to far and killed him and Penguin was like "you killed my cousin!!" and Vader took him out too.
Maybe I am looking to far into should hear my stories about what is going on with the neighborhood cats....

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