Thursday, January 12, 2017

Buying a bed is SUPER stressful

So recently Hunny and I decided to by a new mattress. My current mattress is about 8 years old, when I purchased it, it was a really nice Kingsdown Regal mattress, that's right, bold and underlined, Kingsdown Regal. I really loved that bed. But now, it is an 8 year old, stained, lumpy/saggy mattress (I am not sure how anything can be both lumpy and saggy at the same time, but that's what it is). To be fair, it has been through a lot of life. The last 8 years of my life have been very.....exciting? is that the right word?.....chaotic maybe?....a roller coaster? about we just stick to the positive words and call it interesting. So the poor mattress has been through a lot of interesting-ness and I am very proud of it and emotionally attached. When we first realized it was time to get a new mattress it was probably close to a year ago. Hunny had been waking up with bad back pain and I had been having bad neck pain, which are all sure signs of a mattress being close to retirement. We had our wedding coming up though so I just looked up some Pintrest things to help a a saggy mattress, we twirled the mattress around to change the saggy sections to lumpy sections, went and got some massages, and decided to just deal with it.
Then the wedding was over, we had some money people had gifted us and we decided to start searching. Let me tell you something. Bed shopping is freaking stressful. It was nothing like when I had bought the Kingsdown Regal. Now you had options and reviews and other shit that just makes the whole process WAY more complicated. So we struck out one day and started searching. This lasted one day before we looked at each other and in a totally non-verbal way decided we were so not doing this right now.
That is one sexy fridge,
So we went about our lives and decided to buy a fridge with the wedding money instead. That was much more fun and much less stressful. Buying a fridge is much more straight forward. You look at your current fridge, decide what you like and hate about it and what you wish you had and then you go online and go to, filter that shit down, then research the best brand, find your price point, walk into the store of your choosing with the print of the one you like, try and get it cheaper and, bam, done, that's it. Couple days/weeks later you get a fridge. Our new fridge is very sexy by the way. You know you have reached official grown up status when people come over and you say "yo, you wanna see my sexy new fridge?"
So, this past Christmas we went to my sisters house and, after giving my 7 year old nephew a semi-automatic Nerf gun and 200 darts and making him the happiest kid ever, my sister mentioned she got a new Casper mattress and loved it. Hunny and I both tried it out, which is super awkward by the way. Like, "hey lemme sit on your bed that you sleep and do all kinds of dirty things on, I want to see if me and Hunny would also like it for us to sleep and do dirty things on". It helped it be more awkward when she told me "go ahead and flop down on it, you can tell its really great for sex" ::sigh:: thank you sister. For the record, the bed was perfectly soft and floppy, which was nice.
So after that we started thinking about beds again. This time I was a little more emotionally prepared, I knew it was gonna be stressful and overwhelming, but I was ready and I was gonna try approaching it the way I approached the fridge, with a more clinical eye and lots of research and evaluating what I like and don't like about my current bed and so fourth. Now if you want all the info you could find about beds, is the site to go to. So much info. We decided to strike out and test out memory foams, hybrids, and spring beds as our first step. After the first time we had shopped so many moons ago, we thought we liked the hybrid beds. But Hunny had been talking to people and wanted to try memory foam. Which, after laying on the first bajillion beds, we realized we liked a lot. Then that made us question everything because we were sure we like the hybrids last time. This lead to a week long delay of bed searching and lots of internal speculation about our own wants and desires in life. Like I said, bed searching is very stressful.
Let me tell you something, beds have too many god damn features now. Foams and springs, and double springs, and gels, and beads, and softness and firmness and weight and height and pillow tops, its like a god damn intergalactic orgy of bed options out there! Casper has a great idea, they sell one bed and bitch if you don't like it fuck you. I was all for the Casper bed. Hunny though was having a moment and couldn't commit himself to that sort of cut and dry shit, he needed to try them all!
So the research started, we liked this bed we tried at Boscov's, we researched it; bad reviews, lots of Ds on, no good, that bed is out. So we go and try more beds, we like this one at Macy's, go home, research it, WTF, why wont they tell me what that bed is made out of? No good, that bed is out. So then we decide we are gonna buy one online, but we can't settle on the Casper, no way. Hunny, has another moment; he cant buy a bed he hasn't tried out, its just wrong. I agreed though, reading about bed features isn't like reading about fridge features, how do you know if that cooling gel in that mattress is cool enough or if that foam is too soft or too firm for you, the whole process is a little too detached and feels like a roulette game. So, we strike out again, this time we are committed to getting this shit done. So, Saturday, we go online and pick a bed we like online. Sunday, we go to several stores but find nothing we want to bring home, Monday, we find a store and a salesmen we like, we find a brand we like, we find all the features we are sure we want, and FINALLY we find the bed that once we sat on it, we realized that we had found it, the perfect bed. It had all the right things, good reviews, not to hard or to soft, its got all the right cooling gel, and foam in all the right places, and we can buy an adjustable base for it, its in our price range, YES! But then, the salesmen at Boscov's cant go down on price. Well ladies and gentlemen, that is not ok in my book. I went to the brand website and found the same bed to purchase online for $300 less, while i was in the store! Not gonna happen. So then we go back  to this other store with this other salesguy who we beat up on price and finally, after so many months, we purchase our new Serta iComfort Prodigy III foam bed with adjustable base! We were flush with excitement, smiling, and feeling like a weight has been lifted from our shoulders and our backs were singing in anticipatory joy
The bad news? Wont be here till the 21st of January :(
Isn't that the worst feeling?


  1. Oh pleeasee. After all that, it's about the anticipation...