The other night I was talking to my mother and she said something that really resonated with me, "Live your life to make you happy, believe what you want to believe." I am not sure I agree with that entire statement, but I do believe in living your life to make you happy.
Believing in your opinions and living the life that makes you happy is hard! Sometimes your brain argues with you and tells you to give in, to be something your not, or to live how someone else tells you to live. If your only happiness is in pleasing someone else, who is the person in the mirror when you are alone?
Isn't that person, the one in the mirror, the one you should be living for? The one that you should be trying to make happy? At the end of the day, you have to be happy and proud of yourself, before you can please anyone else. There are lots of times in my life I have had to look way deep inside myself and pull out what I want and decide what I like and purposefully move forward knowing that the choice I made will effect me and the people around me, and I have to own that. Anyone else ever plan a wedding? As a bride that is there is a HUGE amount of self reflection that happens as you plan a wedding. You have to know who you are, and stand up for yourself, or you have to decide if you are going to just let everyone else create the day that's supposed to be the biggest day of your life. What about gifts for holidays? When someone asks me what I want, sometimes I start to hate myself because I can't answer them. Why don't I know what I want? Don't I like something? Anything!? What makes me happy?! Those are the times I look in the mirror and try to remember who I am. Today, I see a person who currently has crazy fun color hair; and I smile. I see a women who has crawled and fought her way to living an adulthood that I am proud of; and that makes me stand straighter. I see a person who sometimes has anxiety and gets overwhelmed and she feels lost, but I got out of bed today and that is an accomplishment. I refuse push away all the people who love me, I know I am valuable, I am powerful, and I deserve every chance in the world. I will discover and peruse my dreams and I will keep trying and I will live my life to make me happy, no matter how many times I may fail.