Thursday, March 16, 2017

Letters to my Past and Future self

My parents told me that every 7 years you are like a fresh new person. Your skin is not the same skin you had 7 years before, your mind has changed dramatically, you are a brand spanking new you. I always sort of followed along with this idea; in my experience I usually am a totally different person then I was 7 years before. I'm 31 now, I'm thinking (hoping) my major changes of self will start to slow down now, but who knows what the next 7 years will hold. So here is 3 letters I am writing to myself. 2 past one and one future one.

Letter to my past self, 14 years ago, Age 17:
Dear 17 year old Katy,
First off: IT IS GOING TO GET BETTER! Trust me. Right now you are a gypsy without a drivers licenses and a you have total lack of direction in life and you think that is a big deal. First of all, its not. Second, its going to be OK, seriously. High school is almost over and nothing so far has been worse then that, thank goodness right? The things you are going through now and for the next couple years are going to feel huge and tragic and unreal. But everything you experiencing is going to make you a better person, and you will be thankful for it.....eventually. Just remember, soon, you will have ice cream for breakfast and it will be awesome.
Just hold on. Much Love, 31 year old Katy.

Letter to my past self 7 years ago Age 24:
Dear 24 year old Katy,
You feel good about yourself? No? Yea I know, its OK. You're learning a lot right now, even more then 7 years ago. Your learning how your not so damn smart, and you aren't the person you thought you were. Your seeing what people are like in the real world, not the world you had erected around yourself. Smashing those Rose Color glasses pretty hard now, am I right? Not everyone is good and kind and there are a lot of moments that have happened and are coming up where you are going to have to rely on yourself. No one is going to save you this time and that's a good thing, trust me. There are very bad people in the world and, sure, some of them aren't bad because they mean to be, but it doesn't make what they do OK, that is a lesson that is being pounded into your head right now because its important. You need to stay true to yourself and you need to put yourself back together once it all falls apart, don't wait for someone to come along and do it for you. Pretty soon your world is going to explode (it might have already, I can't remember exactly when that happened.) Either way, if it has or it hasn't already, what I am saying is, take it all in. The good moments, the bad ones, and everything in between. Very very soon, if you put the pieces of yourself back together the right way, the down hill spiral you are living on will go be going way way up.
Just hold on a little longer. Much Love, 31 year old Katy.

Letter to my Future self 7 years ahead Age 38:
Dear 38 year old Katy,
Oh my god your almost 40! Is it scary or did you really not realize that until just now? What color is your hair? Blonde? I knew it, you boring old lady! I'm not sure what your life is like now, I don't even hope to guess. But I have something I want you to remember. Remember when you bought your first house (maybe your still living in it, I don't know). Remember when you got those keys and you opened the front door and it smelled like wet dog. You and Hunny looked at each other, walked into the kitchen and put the keys on what was now your counter. You stood and talked about what the heck you were going to do about the smell and then started rolling up the nasty carpet to throw it out and saw the magical wood floor underneath it. Now, don't focus on that smell, it was horrific, I remember. But remember that pride you had when you first opened the door. Remember that feeling you had as you put the keys on the counter, the feeling of a million open possibilities of the future. Remember that sense of purpose and feeling like you could do anything now because you had done what you didn't think would ever be possible for you. You were a successful person! You had checked off that last box on the list of things that successful people do in life! Remember how, as you rolled up that nasty, greasy, wet dog smelling carpet, you realized how far you had come from being that 17 year old and 24 your old person who was living in a hell spiral going down and down. No one and nothing can take what you have accomplished away from you. I hope your life at 38 kept going on the upward trend and you have accomplished even more, maybe there has been some set backs, maybe things seemed to go back downward again for a bit, but you will never be what you were before, you fought your way to be where you are now and you already won. Stay smart, get smarter, and never forget to keep learning and growing.
You already won, it just about keeping on that upward trend. Much Love, 31 year old Katy.

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