Friday, May 19, 2017

There is more to mental illness then depression

There is more to mental illness then depression. More then the crippling sadness and inability to move some days. There is anger, a rage so hot it makes you sweat and distracts you for days. There is intermittent happiness so high you can touch the moon and you can feel it drip out of your grasp so quickly. There is fear and anxiety that will come up and slap you in the face and punch you in the stomach when you are mid sentence explaining to your boss the intricacies of networking. There is the palatable desire to make someone understand that you have something wrong with your head and no matter how many times you 'get better' your always going to be back right here in this moment and screaming internally. You don't really want anyone to know how screwed up you are...but you do want them to know....but you cant explain it to them......but you want them to can they possibly understand, you think.
Mental illness. Its confusing, it hurts, and its impossible for anyone to know really how someone else is feeling, no matter how many people say they they understand you and have felt the same way before. Sometimes it seems like a person is just doing it for attention. Guess what? They are. Because that is part of their illness, the deep down need to have people see them, and without it they fall and fall and fall and can't pull themselves back up. Them getting your attention doesn't make their illness less real or less sucky, it just makes it visible. Is a cancerous mole less cancerous then blood cancer or brain cancer just because you saw the mole change color or some shit? Of course not. A person who cuts and then shows a person, or someone who tries/not tries to commit suicide isn't less ill, they still need help.
I want to shake people and teenager's parents who say "I think she is just doing it for attention", or a person who manages to commit suicide and their friends and family say "i don't think he actually meant to kill himself, he just wanted attention". OMG if I could sit down every single one of those people and slap them across the face and then have a long talk with them, I could save 100 lives i think. Please, please, please. They are still dead, they are still bleeding on the bathroom floor after they cut their bodies, so what does the reason they did it matter at that point!? They needed your help and you brushed them off because you saw their reaching out at 'drama' or something.
Mental illness is more then being really really sad. There is a million wants to be mentally ill. There is a million thoughts that goes through someone head when they reach the end of their rope and not all of them are "i am just so depressed and nobody loves me".
If your at the end of your rope, I don't care if even your head says its just for attention! Call, chat, something, get help. Your life is worth living, your illness is worth getting help for. Fuck the haters.
Depression lies.
Mental illness lies.

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